Here’s a rundown of the top Obama lines from the State of the Union, along with the appropriate responses:

“After years of grueling recession, our businesses have created over six million new jobs” — Mainly for the government and IRS

“Our economy is adding jobs – but too many people still can’t find full-time employment” — We are barely adding enough jobs to just keep up with population growth

“It is our unfinished task to restore the basic bargain that built this country – the idea that if you work hard and meet your responsibilities, you can get ahead” — And then we will tax you more for your success (through higher tax margins and surtaxes).

“Our work must begin by making some basic decisions about our budget – decisions that will have a huge impact on the strength of our recovery” — We haven’t had a budget in 1385 days and Obama skipped submitting one (under law) again this year

“In 2011, Congress passed a law saying that if both parties couldn’t agree on a plan to reach our deficit goal, about a trillion dollars’ worth of budget cuts would automatically go into effect this year. These sudden, harsh, arbitrary cuts would jeopardize our military readiness” — The “Sequester” was Obama’s idea

“Most Americans – Democrats, Republicans, and Independents – understand that we can’t just cut our way to prosperity” — Yes, we do believe we can cut our way, just like we do in our own household budgets

“They know that broad-based economic growth requires a balanced approach to deficit reduction, with spending cuts and revenue, and with everybody doing their fair share”. — Obama got the revenue part during the Fiscal Cliff negotiations when he raised taxes. That was half of the “balanced approach” already

“Now, most of us agree that a plan to reduce the deficit must be part of our agenda. But let’s be clear: deficit reduction alone is not an economic plan” — Without deficit reduction, there will be no economy left

“Let me repeat – nothing I’m proposing tonight should increase our deficit by a single dime” — But Obama doesn’t explain how he is going to pay for any of it…

“We have doubled the distance our cars will go on a gallon of gas, and the amount of renewable energy we generate from sources like wind and solar – with tens of thousands of good, American jobs to show for it” — Solyndra, anyone?

“But the fact is, the 12 hottest years on record have all come in the last 15” — Especially the last four years. Obama is certainly full of hot air

“But if Congress won’t act soon to protect future generations, I will. I will direct my Cabinet to come up with executive actions we can take, now and in the future, to reduce pollution, prepare our communities for the consequences of climate change, and speed the transition to more sustainable sources of energy” — Do as Obama says or else Obama will do what Obama wants

“That’s why my Administration will keep cutting red tape and speeding up new oil and gas permits” — What about Keystone?

“Tonight, I propose a “Fix-It-First” program to put people to work as soon as possible on our most urgent repairs, like the nearly 70,000 structurally deficient bridges across the country” — Must be the first cousin to the “Shovel Ready” Programs

“And tomorrow, my Administration will release a new “College Scorecard” that parents and students can use to compare schools based on a simple criteria: where you can get the most bang for your educational buck” — Many private industries (magazines) already do a yearly scorecard, Mr. President

“We know our economy is stronger when our wives, mothers, and daughters can live their lives free from discrimination in the workplace” — Except when Obama still pays the women on his staff 18% less

“Tonight, let’s declare that in the wealthiest nation on Earth, no one who works full-time should have to live in poverty, and raise the federal minimum wage to $9.00 an hour” — Which will destroy small businesses, the backbone of our economy

“We’ll give new tax credits to businesses that hire and invest” — What was that part earlier about eliminating special interest loopholes, again?”

“That’s why, earlier today, I signed a new executive order that will strengthen our cyber defenses by increasing information sharing, and developing standards to protect our national security, our jobs, and our privacy — So, let’s increase information sharing to protect privacy?

“We must all do our part to make sure our God-given rights are protected here at home. That includes our most fundamental right as citizens: the right to vote….The American people demand it. And so does our democracy” — We are a Republic, Mr. President

“Each of these proposals deserves a vote in Congress. If you want to vote no, that’s your choice. But these proposals deserve a vote” — Except when he determines they don’t, and uses Executive Order. Some votes are more equal than others.

“But as Americans, we all share the same proud title: We are citizens” — No, we are Americans.

So what exactly is the State of the Union? It sounded more like an agenda.